Is there someone in your life who has hurt you so terribly that you find forgiving them practically impossible? Could this person have traits of a sociopath? Are you sure this person has a conscience? Give it some serious thought. If you do not know the traits of a sociopath, especially a type 1 sociopath, I encourage you to learn these traits IMMEDIATELY.
A friend shared with me how she cannot forgive her ex-husband, who hurt her child, and that every time she thinks of him, she becomes enraged with murderous thoughts. Additionally, she said this anger has blocked her from feeling anything at all, including the love and trust she is truly capable of feeling.
After I shared the traits of a sociopath with her, it was as if a light turned on and she shouted, “YES! YES! YES! He had all of those traits!”
When a person behaves badly, we often make excuses for this behavior, saying that they are just “being difficult.” However, if we understand sociopathy and recognize its traits when these traits are revealed to us, we can avoid becoming a victim. In my friend’s case, the signs were there before he hurt her child, but she didn’t recognize them.
As she and I continued to discuss the possibility of this man being a sociopath, her anger and hatred for him started to dissipate. “He had so many traits of a sociopath,” she stated. “I didn’t realize it, because he was so charming and fun. Everyone loved him, but no one saw his stinky side except my daughter and me.”
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
—Dr. Wayne Dyer
Since I have learned to recognize the traits of sociopathy, I can forgive the people who have hurt me. Most of them had traits of sociopathy. I can now look at experiences and people objectively. They may have been incapable of caring about me. The signs were there; I just didn’t know enough to recognize them.
For simplicity, I identify sociopaths as sharks (conscienceless), and those with consciences as dolphins. Unfortunately, many of us (dolphins) assume everyone has a conscience.
When we suffer the attack of a shark (sociopath), we are often confused, questioning, “Why would he do that?” We make excuses such as: “When he was a child he was abused and his father abandoned the family.”
The continued attacks of these individuals can result in lowered self-esteem and self-worth, financial loss, chaos, physical harm and illness for the victims and those around them.
Most of us are uninformed that we are swimming in a sea of sharks. The media often shows the damage inflicted by Great Whites (extreme sociopaths) in the form of rape, murder, child abuse, etc. However, there are other harmful sharks swimming camouflaged among us. These sharks (type 1 sociopaths) rarely do anything drastic, but demonstrate their sociopathy by doing little things like stealing our ideas, bullying us, using us for sex, contacts and/or money, etc...
“Ruining people is delicious.”
—M. E. Thomas, diagnosed sociopath, author of Confessions of a Sociopath
Once you have discovered that the person who hurt you had traits of sociopathy, you may think, “Of course they hurt me! They had traits of a sociopath! No wonder! I didn’t catch this! I didn’t know!”
Should a shark be hated for being a shark? Like sharks, sociopaths are incapable of loving you, feeling remorse or empathy. It is their nature.
I encourage you to do all you can to forgive the people who’ve hurt you. This may include participating in therapy, support groups, and/or workshops that specialize in forgiveness, recovery, and personality disorders. AND I especially encourage you to take a soul journey and analyze whether or not these hurtful individuals have sociopathic traits.
Forgiveness is for our own sake and well-being. The sharks couldn’t care less whether they are forgiven, unless your forgiveness is the key back into your life for them to do more damage. The energy of the pain, sorrow, resentment, guilt, and anger weighs heavily on your health and your very being. Forgiveness releases this weight of the toxic energy.
When we can truly forgive, we set ourselves free. We are born again!
Let us learn and recognize the traits of sharks (sociopaths), so we can increase our chances of navigating through the sea of life safely and successfully.
P.A. Speers is the author of Type 1 Sociopath- When Difficult People Are More than Just Difficult People- And They’re Everywhere and co-author of The Inspired Caregiver – Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love.
Credit: Quote by M. E. Thomas, author of Confessions of a Sociopath: a life spent hiding in plain sight,copyright 2013, Published by Crown Publishers, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company
Because of this controversial and sensitive subject, we must add a disclaimer, so here it is. Disclaimer: This information is designed to provide helpful information to its readers (and viewers) while encouraging its readers (and viewers) to learn more about the subject. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged to render any type of psychological advice or guarantees of any kind including protection. The content of this information is the sole expression and opinion of its author and the author does not claim to be a mental health professional. The Type 1 Sociopath label was created for simplicity and understanding purposes, and is not a professional term recognized in the field of psychology. The ideas and methods in this information are not intended as a substitute for consultation or treatment with a qualified mental health professional. The names, identities, and stories have been disguised so that any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is coincidental. Please never accuse anyone of being without conscience. If you believe you or someone you love is a sociopath, psychopath, type 1 sociopath or has antisocial personality disorder, please run to a mental health professional who specializes in personality disorders.
Forgiveness, Sharks, and Dolphins written and copyrighted by P.A. Speers/Speers Publishing